Do you ever wonder why people journal or blog or even just write things down... Well it is a release.. A way to get things off you chest out of your brian or just to let something go..
They tell victims of crimes or rape or what ever they are a victim of to let go forgive and it will help them move forward. Forgiveness is for us not the other person and one of the ways they tell you to do this is to write a letter to the person that has caused you this pain and then burn it and let it go or to write about it in a journal but how ever you choose to do it just do it open an honestly..
So this got me thinking about my blog and what I should be writing about and what I should not write about.. In order to let things go I need to write about them but I don't know how much is to much... I do not think that picking and choosing what to write about is the best thing.. When I write in my journal I just write whatever comes to my mind I write about it. but on line I have to be more careful and to me that is not right that is not being truthful to my self...
I know their are things you just do not write about no matter what. But their are things that I can write about and do not and I am not sure why that is.. I have always said my life is an open book if you want to know then ask I have no problems with people knowing about my life. But to just tell it seems weird. We have all done things in are lives that we are not proud of and things that we are proud of, We have all been around the block to say, some more than others..
I my self have experienced a lot in my 38 years and am proud to say I am still alive to talk about it.. I think the things we go through and experience make us who we are and maybe that is why I am the person I am when I look at my self I see a cold hearted bitch that just does not give a shit about anything.. But is that really who i am? Or is this a defense to not let people in I have been told in the past that I am intimidating that I am to honest but I have always been that way, why beat around the bush just say it.. I have got softer I think in my later years I seam to not say a lot of what I should..
I just think that some times some things are better left unsaid.. What you don't know won't hurt you... I think if people were more honest to them selfs and the people around them the world would be a much better place. Lying about who you are what you have done in your life is not going to get you any where and the truth will come out some day.. I am not ashamed of who I am or where I come from, where i live etc.. I do not live my life to empress other people you either like me or you do not ..
But I do need to live my life to empress my self to make the most of every thing I do and that is some thing I have lost over the years I am more cautious I do not take risks like I used to. I wonder if this is because I have a family to think about every decision I make effects them to in some form or another.. So maybe that is why I just stop living and just shut down and felt my life is not my own it is yours now and everything i do is for you not for me..
Wow that is so wrong If I do not keep my self happy and do things for my self them how the hell can I make anyone else happy.. You see why I need to make changes in my life. And what is even weirder is that I know what I have to do and I can do it for awhile and then I get this guilty feeling like I do not deserve to do these things and go back to the way I have been doing things for awhile it is like I tell my self you not deserve to be truly happy.. this has been going on for awhile about 14 years now,, I think when I had my first kid I thought my life was over and now it is your turn and as long as you are happy that is all that matters..
Now 14 years later the only thing I have left about the real me is my job that is the only thing I did not sacrifice. But why did I think this why did I shut down my life and why can I not get it back.. It is a choice to live or not to live but I just keep hiding is it because it has been so long and I am so out of touch with people that I do not even know how to react or interact with people just do what is comfortable.. Am I a hermit? Oh no that is not good I really need to get out and live run away from the things that make me feel so bad...
LIVE SHANNON LIVE find what makes you really happy and do it... JUST DO IT!!!!
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