Update on me and my family

We are all doing well. It has been a few weeks since my dad has passed away and we have been busy just closing up so lose ends and adjusting to life with out him.. It has been really difficult for me to sit down and write i my blog I new I had to update my blog to be able to move forward and be able to post again and it make sense to who ever reads this. But even now a few weeks later it is still hard to write about or even think about what I want to write with out the tears falling down my face. So in the days to come my post may seem off or out of order but during certain times of the day it is easier to update than others.


My dad's obituary is in the st. paul pioneer press may 16th you can view it online...

May 8th & 9th

Later Saturday Chad made it to the care center and we spent the day just hanging out with my dad. He still was not talking and was kinda just there. Around 6pm we decided to run home so Chad could change out of his work clothes and we could drop off one of the cars. We returned around 8pm and the nurse told us he did not even open his eyes since we left and when she gave him his dose of morphine she had to close his mouth for him.. The was close maybe just a few hours now. it was really hard for us to sit there and went back and forth on weather we should stay or leave. This is by all means not an easy decision to make. I just remember the hospice nurse telling me earlier what ever I decide it was meant to be. so we sat for a little while longer and Chad finally said I don't think he wants us here. The night before he had made a comment to us, He said what are you doing here? I said Dad I have been here all day and I will be here as long as you want me to, He said well if you are waiting to watch me die it might be a while.. So at about 10 pm we decided to go for awhile knowing that would be the last time we would ever see him alive. Around 3:15am we got the call that he was gone. He passed away at 3am on may 9th 2010..


WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!    


 February 12 1937 --- May 9 2010  

It is a cold day outside it is amazing only in minnesota can you go from spring to fall in one day. I am sitting here with my dad and i think we are nearing the end. He is really not here he has not spoken at all since i got here just opens his eye every once in a while. I am not even sure if he realizes it is me. At one point he looked at me and i said hi dad it is me shannon r you in there, and he kinda laughed a little, a half a chuckle i guess but that was ok i new he new it was me then.. He is definitely declining it will be just a matter of time now, maybe even tonight.. I told him a little bit ago to be free let the angels come and get him...I love you!!!!!

Friday april 7th

It started off to be a normal friday. then about 7:30am I got a call from Sami my dad's nurse that my dad is calling for me to get there he's dying and wants to say good bye and that he love's me.. She said I do not want to under play this can I get up there. I told her I would be there as quick as I can, Got things in order at work and left to go get the boys from school and we went to see him.. By the time we got there around 9am he had settled down. But was far worse than the night before. Chad had got there and Sherryl chad's Mom was there to and we just hung out. The hospice nurse came and asses his condition and started the care for keeping him comfortable she talked with us and said the next 24 hrs will tell us alot as far as how long this will go on.. While we were outside saying goodbye to chad he had another breathing attack and was recovering from that when we got back..Taylor and Linsey came to see him and take the boys to get something to eat and go see a movie and just hang out with them till Chad or I got home so they would not be alone. Sherryl and went to get some lunch while he was resting it was very nice we had a nice talk and good food if was not noon a drink would have been really nice. After lunch on are way back I told we had to make one stop to get a cd player, I told her the student nurse he had last week made him so jazz cd's and I new he would enjoy listing to them right now.


We made it back to the care center and he was resting so peacefully so I hooked up the cd player and put the music on he perked up and was in heaven between the music and the morphine he was doing just fine...
Chad made it back and we all just enjoyed the music and the time. 


Sherryl left and why I was seeing her out Chad and my dad had a good talk something Chad said he should have done days ago. But reassured him I was coping well and that he was their for me..


Later that afternoon he had another attack this one was pretty bad he had stop breathing for a short time why they were trying to get the morphine, He turned to stone his eye rolled back and I said dad dad they are coming breathe breathe, Now I look back on this with mixed emotions he wants no intervention at all and I intervened. When the ordeal was all over he rested some more and then looked at me and said what are you doing here. I told him I had been there since 9am and was not going anywhere till he wanted me to. He said if you are waiting for me to dye it might be a long wait. we all laughed. I told him to go when ever he wants I would be there and I love him.... A little while later he said why is it so grey and dark outside we told it had be raining all day and they were even talking about snow, Chad told him hell is going to freeze aver and said wait for me I am coming... It was a good laugh, Even though the man is dying he still has his sense of humor I love that it makes the air a little lighter...


I left last night wondering if this is the night, would this be the last time I heard his voice. it was a hard night to fall asleep but I did.  I LOVE YOU DAD AND WILL MISS YOU BUT PLEASE DO NOT STAY ANY LONGER THAN YOU HAVE TO WATCHING YOU SUFFER IS FAR TO HARD!!!
I JUST WANT YOU TO BE FREE!!!!

Almost caught up!!

Monday night I called my Brothers to let them know he has made the decision that he is ready to go and that they better get there to see him this week. They say when someone makes that decision it can go pretty fast. I do not want anyone to feel like they did not get to say goodbye...


Tuesday my Mom & Bill came into town and we all went to Wy's baseball game for a little while I got a call from Rick my oldest brother that Him and his family were on there way to see Dad I said great. A few minutes later my brother Steve text me and said he was on his way to see my Dad. Holy SHIT!! they are all gonna be there at the same time. My niece Ashly was over to go with me after the game and she said Grandpa is going to think he is dying today.. Later that night Ashley, Jake, Mom, Bill & I went to see him and that was he thought.He said they just kept coming in and his thought was am I DYING!!


I told him I was so sorry I did not think they would all go on the same day....It was a good laugh...


Thurs. the hospice people came in to talk with us and tell us about what they do. They signed him on and told us the nurse would be on tomorrow to asses his condition and see what we wil do to make him the comfortable on his way out.


It is reassuring to know that their are people out there that devote their lives to taking care of the people dying. This has to be one of the hardest jobs out there emotionally watching people dye on a daily basis can not be easy.. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND MAKING MY DAD COMFORTABLE DURNING HIS LAST DAYS WITH US.......YOU ARE TRULY ANGELS!!!!

Sunday & monday may 2 & 3rd

Sunday I went to see my Dad and he told my he did not think it was going to much longer.. We talked for awhile and cried a little. saturday night and sunday were 2 of the hardest days I have had this far.. Although it is hard to see him go I would much rather him go than suffer any longer.. 


Monday I got there and he told me the social worker wanted to talk to me, I asked about what and he told me he said to her he just wanted to go to Hospice and die. He said I think I through her for a loop... I said you think I am sure she does not here that everyday.


We talked and he said I am ready to go I told him that is fine I will miss you terribly but I understand. He said EVERYONE WILL MISS ME!!! yes you are right everyone will miss you....
I asked him if he was at peace? Yes,  Are you scared ? No I have been there before it's not so bad, Are you sad? for you and Chad. I told him we would be fine and he can go when ever he wants... I love you!!!

Catching up...

Wed april 28th. Went to see Dr. Cheema at the cancer center, well the cancer is only in the chest but is more than they could see on CT or x-ray. His right lung has a lot and and the lymph nodes next to it have tumors as well they found fluid on the right lung as well. So for now they are not able to treat him with any kind of chemo, which is fine because he does not want any...


Thurs & Fri. april29th &30th My dad had a student nurse from the college with him all day her name is Kristi although i did not get the chance to meet her he had a wonderful time with her. He told me she was so nice and that she played classical piano. That they talked about all kinds of things, Music was one of them my Dad is a huge jazz and big band fan so this was fun for him to have some one young that could share that shared that same interest. She made him two cd's of music that he enjoyed which was very thoughtful of her. So I went out and got him a cd player so he can listen to them... THANK YOU SO MUCH KRISTI FOR PUTTING A LITTLE SUNSHINE IN MY DAD'S WORLD!!!